How to Handle Toddler Tantrums
Tantrums start long before the “terrible twos”. Unfortunately, as the little tots want to communicate but the words aren’t coming… frustration boils over. Often. It can try the patience of even the most patient parents. So as someone who has been there. First of all, you are goin to make it. But second, here are some tips for dealing with the inevitable!
Don’t Engage with the Tantrum
When little legs start to kick and backs arch and the screaming starts…. its all too easy to let our blood boil. Or our embarrassment overflow. Or just our patience wears much to thin. Whatever your reaction to tantrums, we all want them to stop. The key is NOT to engage with the tantrum.
Understanding that a tantrum is a very rudimentary way of communication helps us take a step back from being so annoyed by it. Rather, looking at is as “what are you trying to say”.
We engage with the need for communication instead of the way that it is happening. Meaning we don’t react to the tantrum. We focus instead on what it is that is needed. The root cause analysis. If you know you know.
Demo Appropriate Behavior
First and foremost, no tantrums of our own. I have a hard time with this one sometimes. No I don’t scream and throw myself on the ground, but I do lose my patience when another little hand pinches me in an attempt to be held while I am trying to work on things. I catch myself reacting a little dramatically. “Don’t pinch me! That hurts!”. Instead of a more patient “can you use your words? When you climb up me like that it hurts mommy”.
Sooo much easier said than done. But seriously. Watch your kids. Most of the behavior they start to have… it emulates you in a way. So watch yourself! Be careful.
As toddlers though… they are learning behavior. This is your chance to demo the right way to do things.
When my little one is losing it, I bend down and using a calm voice I say something like “I can see you’re feeling frustrated. Let’s take a breath.” Then I focus on staying calm myself. Sometime this is enough. Other times you need to distract and redirect method.
Distract and Redirect
Telling a toddler to “take a breath” rarely works. So step two is to take their attention away from whatever it was that caused the tantrum in the first place. Lets look at an example:
- Mommy: No you cannot wear muddy rain boots in the house
- Toddler: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *Kick *Scream *throw self on floor dramatically
- Mommy: Lets take off your boots and go and read a book instead. *while calmly removing boots and walking toddler to other room
- Toddler: *forgetting boots exist “Yay a Book!”
Simple! Again, not engaging with the tantrum. You don’t give in and let them track mud all over. You don’t leave them to cry it out. You enforce the direction you gave, but also help them to redirect.
Practice How They Should Respond
This one is my favorite. Once things are cooling down a little, step in and practice how we SHOULD respond when we are frustrated. I honestly just have some fun with this. I tell my little one – it is okay to feel frustrated! When we do, we just say ‘Aw Man!’.
Much cuter to say “aw man!” then to flail and yell and stomp around like a mad man.
We just work on learning to channel emotions. They will happen, so learning an appropriate response it important! And focusing less on “dont throw a tantrum!” and more on “do behave this way”.
Good luck! You got this!
