Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night

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If you are reading this post it is likely because you, like many parents before you, are desperate for your baby to sleep.

Sleep Training… Does it Really Work?

I had heard stories of sleep training a baby. I didn’t really think much of it until I had a baby that would not sleep though. Weeks became months and months became more months… you get the picture.

I imagine you can relate very well to the feeling of those little cries in the night, and the night again, and then the wee hours of the morning. There is hope.

Getting your baby to sleep through the night is possible. There is a light at the end of this very dark and very tired tunnel.

I spent months searching for how to teach my baby sleep. Learn to sleep in a way that actually worked for us. People will tell you that sleep training methods can work for any kid. But babies are different! They need different things. And different sleep training methods exist. 

I want to share with you some of the things I learned and the ones that worked for us. Hopefully they can provide you with what you need to make it through a tough and sleepless time.

What Works for YOUR Baby to Sleep

Raising Your Spirited Baby by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka was one of the many books I consulted for advice. It was here that I started to feel like someone was writing about babies like my baby. The traditional “Cry it out” or “Extinction” method didn’t work. Not for my heart or my baby’s sleep problems. I admit I only tried once. But it only took one time to tell me I was never trying that again.

Persistence is a wonderful attribute. As babies grow it will be channeled to help them achieve marvelous things. But it is also a trait that made going to sleep an impossible challenge.

We dreaded bed time. I felt my anxiety building as nap times approached. Its not a healthy way to live, and its not good for your little kiddo either.

Mary’s book validated that my baby had characteristics that contributed to a harder time winding down to sleep. She also reiterated (like many others do) that learning to sleep is a skill that babies learn. Some learn it better or faster than others.

So first and foremost, when it comes to sleeping through the night and the journey to getting there? Find what works for you, and what works for YOUR baby. Not every shoe fits.

What Worked for Me

Ultimately what I needed was a step by step plan. I needed something that told me when I could be done. It took me 12 months of sleeplessness to finally admit that it was time. We found a book that actually had step by step instructions and timelines. It also had different plans for babies of different ages and sleeping habits. The Sleep Lady was our answer.
I think that there were a few factors that went into the eventual success of sleep training this time around. 

  • Baby was ready
  • We had a plan
  • We understood our kiddo more 
  • We were committed to something we believed could work

So How Do I Get my Baby to Sleep?
Image of the cover of "The Sleep Lady's Good Night Sleep Tight" book by Kim West.

Whichever of those you are, or any others, you can do this! It is so good to know where you are staring. That is step one. 

Step 1: Know where you are starting

Step 2: Make a plan

Make a Plan to Help Baby Learn to Sleep 

This was the thing that saved my heart from breaking every time my baby cried after we left the room. I had a plan. I would watch the clock and give myself a deadline. “If the crying doesn’t stop in 5 minutes, I am going in”. It amazed me how having a game plan calmed me. 
Make a plan. I recommend you read the Good Night Sleep Tight book, or another book with a plan in it to give yourself some ideas. Then adjust those to what works for you. 
*I will point out here that our baby was ready. Didnt want to be held to sleep and would squirm around forever if you were rocking, but also wouldnt allow being put down. 
Here is what we did that finally worked (please glean the principles from it and adjust to your needs):

Night 1 -4 

  • Give baby big hug and then lay them in crib with blanky
  • Sit in a chair next to the bed and reasure baby every so often with “it is okay” “mommy/daddy is right here”
  • If baby is super worked up, pick up and calm but put down as soon as calm. Avoid doing this if you can.
  • If baby wakes during the night, return to chair and repeat method. 

Night 5-8(ish)

  • Sit in a chair halfway to the door.
  • Do everything else just like Nights 1-4

Night 9-10(ish)

  • Sit in the doorway. 
  • Continue all else as normal. 

Night 11-13

  • Sit outside the room but within sight

Night 14 and on

  • Shut the door slightly or remain out of sight.
  • Can still talk and or reassure baby “I am right here” if they are worried.

Some Other Things I Learned

So along with the above plan that we used I learned a few more helpful things that worked along with that method. 

  • A bedtime routine helped wind down and prepare baby and us for sleeping (read my post about Bedtime here)
  • You know your baby. Go to them if they need you. One failed night wont ruin everything. Just try again. 
  • ^Be honest with yourself about if they need you or not though… 
  • Look at the clock. It will amaze you how long 3 minutes feels when the baby is crying, but it really is just 3 minutes. Use the clock to ground you in reality.
  • Fact: It takes most people 15ish minutes to wind down once they lay in bed. Babies are no different. Be patient! 
  • Your baby needs enough sleep to sleep well (read my post about Enough Sleep for Kids here)

You got this! You are not alone, you are not a bad parent. But you can be a sleeping parent AND you can help your baby learn to sleep enough too. Stay tuned for more lessons learned and more tips!